who was i trying to fool? i've never had a "true" happy ending, and i've always known that so why do i think that could change? i thought that when he finally said "I Love You" that would eventually lead to my "happy ending", i was already happy when he said those three small words, i didn't need anymore than that, i didn't ask for a relationship, no, cos im not ready to give everything yet. . . but then when he gave me a letter today, that changed everything. here's what it said (well not ALL of it. . .) ". . . i don't know any other way to put all this sept by saying it straight off. I STILL LOVE A*E*. i love her as much as i love you. . . you're still one of my BESTIST friends & i don't want that to change. . ." i don't need to say anything further. . . everything is there in that small part. he just doesn't get it, how much it hurts me to be called his friend, even a bestfriend. . . i thought something was there, really i did, and i still believe that there is still a chance for both of our "happy ending" to come true. i hope im not being selfish when i say "i want him" but i know i have to respect his feelings and his decisions above my very own. . . when i came home from school today, i went straight to the comforts of my room and laid on my bed, despite me wearing my school uniform, and broke down in tears. . . all the things i've felt that day but couldn't let it out, went to the covers of my pillow. i drowned my pillow with my tears, but i didn't mean to. . . i cried for 2 and a half hours, listening to emotional music, and cried again. . . this is probably the worst break downs i've ever had, and this is no one's fault except my own. . . if i listened to my head rather than my heart, this wouldn't happen, but i know that i just couldn't do it, i always end up listening to my heart, because for some reason, it's probably right this time. . . he calls me his best friend, and silently, i weep inside. if ever you're asking if i still love and care for him, yes i do. . . no matter how much it hurts to be his best friend, although it's a good thing, i'll still go on living my life as it was meant to be, and still love him. . . kinda pathetic don't you think? well shut up. . . if one time he finds himself knowing nobody cares for him, although i doubt that would happen, i hope he knows that i still do, always and forever, and hope he knows that that will never change, even if time will bring me someone new, God knows that i will always love and care for him, but in that way, not like a "friend" love and care thing. if i have to wait, so be it, im a patient person. . . if i have to wait almost a lifetime for me to have that chance, so be it i say. because til time runs out, i'll still be here. . . holding on to whatever i've got left. . . and God knows how happy i will be when i finally get that chance, i myself don't know, but you'll probably notice that i am, for one, i'll smile a lot, cry less, and probably my smile will be as "beautiful" as ever. and gosh, if ever he gives me that hug, you will know that i have found heaven, in his arms. all my dreams and wishes were, and still are, for him, but snap back to reality, they probably won't come true, no matter how much i want them to. but until that day comes, i'll still care, i'll still love, and i'll still be his best friend. . . never knowing how much that hurts me.


The Pain of Love

Eyes are made for seeing,
I have seen you.
Lips are made for kissing,
I WANT TO KISS YOU!

Nose is made for smelling,
And hands are made to touch.
Secrets are made for telling,
I WANT YOU TOO MUCH!

Chances are made for taking,
I probably took one on you.
Hearts are made for breaking,
AND YOU BROKE MINE TOO!


When are we going to be together?
Will you love me now or will it take forever?
I love you always with all my heart
Be with you and never part
With this poem, i have one thing in mind
You just have to read the first word of each line. . .


take care you guys. . . always