it's been forever since i last posted. . . to the people who always comment: im so sorry!! a LOT has been happening and i guess i forgot to put them here. . . well to start off. . . im still mad at my guy friend for some reason i don't wanna share. . . and. . . dammit i forgot. . . anyways, it's been 2-3 months now, and still the guy that i love so much hasn't asked me to be his gf yet:'( wouldn't you think that if he did ask me to be his gf before, wouldn't we have lasted until now? like i said, it's been 2-3 months, even more if i remember correctly, i think we could've lasted, you know? but here i am waiting patiently for the guy i love. . . i've had my experience of waiting for those i love, so this is not the first time i've done it, believe me when i say that i've waited 5 years for the guy that i loved before, i ddin't act like waiting for him then wasn't hurting me, it was to be honest, but i guess it was worth it. . . so when the time came when he found out he did have feelings for me, and asked me to be his gf, i said that he was just 5 years too late, of course i was happy, and i wanted to answer him more than you could imagine, and i woulda, if it wasn't for the fact that i no longer felf anything for him, anymore, i just don't want to end up like that again, but i guess we'll wait and see. i mean think about it, i know i have, a girl waiting for a guy?? shouldn't it be the other way around?? well, dear readers, so to say, yes it may be a bit awkward, maybe even wrong, for a girl to wait for a guy, you see, it doesn't really matter if you're a guy waiting for a girl, or vice versa, but really, the fact that you love him/her enough to even wait! and that's what i'm doing, even it takes a long time, but i swear, right here and now, that no matter how long i shall wait, time could never ever take away the love that i have for him, yes, you guys are my witnesses to what i just said. . . anyways, i'm quite not sure why he doesn't want a relationship yet. . . maybe it's me? i hate to think so, but it could be possible, but i'll log that thought away, you know? he said one time to me that if we get into a relationship, we would have to break up and stuff, but if we weren't, but you know, we still loved each other, we wouldn't have to break up, he does have a point, but you know? i can't tell my friends that he is mine, well technically he is, but not yet permanent, you get me? i want him to call him mine so badly, i can tell other girls to back off cos he's MY man, but i can't, and do you know how sweet it is for me when he talks to me about his friends, and like whenever i see him with his friends, he would turn around to his friends, point and would say, "she's my girl. . ." stuff like that. . . but no. i don't know exactly what status we are in, were not "in a relationship" were not "married" but what are we then? are we lovers? are we dating?? although we have been going out a few times. . . i just don't know. . . but i now am aware of this: i guess love doesn't always mean having a boyfriend. . . but knowing that the one you love is always there for you, even though you're not together. that makes sense a lot. . . and knowing that he's not yet "ready" for a relationship, i know he's always there for me, and i know what i have to do, i have to respect his feelings and decisions and put his feelings before my own, and care and treat his feelings like i do my own. . .


. . . i wonder how long i'll have to wait. . .

In the attics of my life
Full of cloudy dreams unreal
Full of tastes no tongue can know
And lights no eye can see
When there was no ear to hear
You sang to me

I have spent my life
Seeking all that's still unsung
Bent my ear to hear the tune
And closed my eyes to see
When there were no strings to play
You played to me

In the book of love's own dreams
Where all the print is blood
Where all the pages are my days
And all my lights grow old
When I had no wings to fly
You flew to me
You flew to me

In the secret space of dreams
Where I dream lay amazed
When the secrets all are told
And the petals all unfold
When there was no dream of mine
You dreamed of me

<3


comments greatly appreciated! thanks:)

i want a boy that will stay with me for always. he'll know you can never say i love you too many times but he knows not to say it if he doesn't mean it with all his heart. he'll tell me we're like Corey and Topanga. he'll give me his favorite sweatshirt. he'll make me a Build-a-Bear and he wont care about how silly he looks being in a store full of 2nd graders because he knows it would be special to me. he'll stay home with me and watch The Notebook and he'll tell me he loved it even though he didn't and the only person he would ever watch it with would be me.he'll.call.me.at.3am.and.ask.me.what.i'm.doing. he'll tell me he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice. he can't walk next to me without holding my hand and he always whispers something sweet in my ear. he'll take me to a concert to see his favorite band and he won't get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends. when i cry he'll tell me i'm too beautiful to cry and he'll kiss every tear away. he'll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me. all of his friends will know we're in love because he'll talk about me to them. when we're walking together he'll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear. he'll tell me i'm his princess and treat me like one too. he'll love everything about me and tell me that i'm perfect just the way i am. we always end up laughing about silly fights. we won't get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it even if we're like how many years old. butterflies will still go crazy inside of me every time he kisses me. he'll tell me he'd die without me. he'll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when i'm having a bad day and when we go out for ice cream, he'll put some on my nose then i'll put some all over his face and we just never stop laughing. he's interested in everything i say, and he always cares about it. he'll buy me jewellry and bouncy balls from vending machines. he won't stop playing until he's won me a stuffed animal. he'll take walks with me in the hot summer. and on clear evenings he'll take me out where you can see the whole city and just watch the stars, look into each others eyes and fall asleep in each others arms. every time i even hear his name, it takes my breath away and when i hear him speak, i'll fall in love all over again he'll pay for me all the time even though i never want him to but i can never win but with him i could never lose either because everything about him is just so wonderful. perfect. i'll be his everything and he'll be even more to me. he will love me for always