do you know how painful it is when your own friends feel awkward around you? if not, then you wouldn't know how i feel. i thought they were my friends, friends who enjoys each others company even when you're with your bf/gf... they didn't want me included all because they know i get "jealous" when i see other girls hanging around my guy... if i was included, i wouldn't have to be jealous, why would i? i'm with him aren't i? why do they have to feel awkward? why?! is it because all his attention is with me and not them? i would think he'd give them attention, too, not just only me, after all, WE are hanging out, it's not just the two of us, two of our friends, or so i thought they were, are there as well. i didn't wanna become this, a jealous girlfriend, i didn't wanna be "tagged" as his jealous girlfriend, but what can i do? is it my fault i'm with a guy who all the girls wanna be with? i have to be careful, protective, in the end they understand that as just being jealous. i hate what i've become, i know it's not what he wants, for all i know it's not what everyone wants... it's like i'm being watched, judged for every wrong move i make, i hate feeling that way, it makes me think everyone hates me, or find something to hate about me, do they know what they're doing to me?! doubt that. every day i come home after school, and you know what i do? i go to the comforts of my room and cry. cry for another day gone bad all because i felt a bit jealous, or made him be a bit mad at me, for arguing about some stupid thing... i cry cos i don't wanna be jealous anymore, i don't wanna keep him from doing stuff all because it would make me jealous... let him go out more with his other girl friends, watch a movie with them, let them have my bf for a day! i won't get jealous... i'll show them i won't get jealous... let them have my world, go ahead... I WON'T GET JEALOUS



i'll just regret it all later

QUIZ: IS IT TRUE LOVE?

It was love at first sight- or was it?

How can you tell the real thing from a fleeting attraction?

1. When you think of him, you think of:

a. his face
b. his voice
c. his body
d. the fact that he still owes you 100 for pizza from the other night

2. To you he smells like:

a. fresh bread
b. soap
c. wet dog
d. sauerkraut (and you don't like sauerkraut)

3. When you see him you hear:

a. a heavenly choir
b. violins
c. a talk radio station
d. fingernails on a chalkboard

4. On your first date he gave you:

a. a love poem
b. flowers
c. nothing
d. the flu

5. You're first words to him are:

a. "I think I'm in love."
b. "Nice shirt."
c. "Is this the line for the bathroom?"
d. "Move it, Tubby!"

6. he's like his father because:

a. he's honest
b. he works hard
c. he snores
d. he has a pot belly

7. You're favorite thing about him is:

a. the way he respects you
b. the way he listens to you
c. the way you look together
d. the way he fades into the woodwork when you don't need him

8. Your favorite time with him is:

a. alone together, kissing
b. on the phone, talking late at night
c. those funny little silences that prove you don't have to talk to be close
d. watching him drive away

9. If you had to describe him in one phrase, you'd call him:

a. king of men
b. nice
c. adequate
d. scum


Scoring:

If you chose mostly a's, you've found bliss! True love! Just keep an eye on it
so it won't go sour.

If you chose mostly b's, you have a prefectly good relationship.
Maybe it will blossom into true love later-you never know.

If you chose mostly c's, you're biding your time with someone who doesn't reallly
grab you. Let go and find someone who makes your heart race.

If you chose mostly d's, nuff said. You're either cynically using your honey or
else you think this is how love should be. Don't settle! And get out of this
trap before you turn bitter!

times have changed. now that it has, he talks to me less and less now, just a little hi sometimes, a "watsup?" now and then, and in between, "i love you's". but that's it. we talked more back then, like almost everyday after school, and on weekends too. i'd waste my load cos of texting him, i don't mind cos i'm using my load on him and not some other person.

he doesn't have that much time for me anymore, he used to stop what he was doing to be with me, to talk to me, just stay with me only. it kills me to see him with her more than me, it kills me to see my world in the hands of another girl, but i won't let him know that, cos he will just fight me, he'll just say i'm being jealous. of course i am, it's a normal reaction you know. but i've improved.

and i'm sure there's many more changes that he has made without him knowing, but i won't tell it here anymore, those two are just more important to me, for i need him more and more everyday, and the problem is that he doesn't seem to notice that=( i truly miss those times when he was always with me, always talks to me, now it feels like i'm "sharing" him with everyone else, and by "everyone", i mean girls, he's too sweet around them but he can't be romantic with me anymore... what's happening? i guess i shouldn't complain, i'd just have to adjust to everything again, even though that would hurt me a bit, that's ok, cos you know why? i love him, and i'd do anything to make him happy, even though it might affect me, so here i go, understanding why he might not talk to me less and less, here i go, understanding why he might not have time for me, here i go, realizing why he might not be that romantic anymore, and lastly, here i go... sharing the guy i so deeply love with those other girls, and i'll just watch as my world falls into their hands instead of mine, watch my world have fun with them, and all i'll do is watch and be happy for him... and if i'm lucky, he'd allow me to be in his world the way he allows them to be in his.