why can't people leave me alone? why can't they stop picking on me? why does it always have to be me?! why?! i see loads of people who are in a relationship in our school, and they think it's perfectly alright for them to be in that relationship, but when it comes to me. . . it's like totally different! but im not in a relationship, yet, but still they think that i am with this amazing guy and to them, it's wrong for me to be with him, or wrong for me to even have a relationship in that school. . . see how they pick on me? and plus, they judged me before they got to know me, they think im like this, im like that, but really, they're just stuck in this whole web of sick, fake, rumors people continue to say about me. . . one girl even said she didn't like me cos i don't treat men properly. . . wtf?! how would she know? and she claims she has spoken to my "ex's" before, like hell, she doesn't even know them! i treat men the same way i treat anybody, with the respect they deserve, well except when the guy means so much to me more than a friend, it's different because then i give my heart, my love, my utmost care and attention, affection, even my sacrifices - hey, don't think that i serve him more than what i should serve our Lord, no, it's not like that - and of course, my company. but after all ive given to those men that i fell in love with, what do i get in return for giving my all? number 1, a broken heart, number 2, breakdowns, number 3, heartaches and such, number 4, many sleepless nights crying on my bed listening to pathetic broken-love songs, number 5, i don't eat, number 6, i cast everything and everyone out of my life for a bit. . . so how can she say that i treat men badly, when really, i give everything in my power to make the guy happy and feel loved? why do they pick on me? why me? do they enjoy seeing my pain? do they like inflicting pain on me? why? this is not what i had planned to be since i started in that fucking school, i wanted people to like me FOR who I am and not know me through lies and rumors they keep passing on. it's not even half the year and already (some) people dislike me. . . why can't they just stop and realize the shit they're doing? all it takes is one word from this person, like she's like this now, she's like that now, and people have this whole new word to describe me. . . i just hate it, and honestly, im sick and tired, before you judge someone, take a while to walk in their shoes and see how different things could be if you were in their shoes. . . but no, all they do is judge, judge, judge! you people don't have the fucking rights to judge me! seriously, im sick, tired, and really hurt from what they keep doing, why can't they just. . . take time to know me and then see for themselves if i truly AM what they say i am, i bet it wouldn't hurt anybody. . . but no, they think it's too "risky", but i tell you, it's worth more, and plus you get to know the truth and see who i really am outside all those rumors. im just waiting for my chance to shine and show everyone that im not really who they think i am, all it takes is one person. . . one person to help me shine, because from that person, it will pass on to the next, and the next, etc. . . and then i'll be the brightest "star" ever. that's all it takes. . . (i've got another 4 years anyway)

i haven't been posting for awhile. . . sorry guys, i've been busy with home works and loads of projects! aaah! well anyway here's the entry for today. . . enjoy!:)


what would happen if our lives worked just like those cheesy, mushy, love stories? and almost every ending was happy? or "lived happily ever after"? you could describe my life as something like that, well almost, im like what? not even in the middle chapter yet? haha. . . my friends say that my life is like one of those romance novels they have read etc, because they somehow find my life sorta to what they read. and i think to myself, "is that really true?". . . that im not quite sure. . . but i can tell you this though, if i do get to finish this book based on my life, and got to read it all over again, i would defintely go back to the most beautiful chapter where i met the most amazing guy. so far, from the last events that has happened, im enjoying this part the most, having him in my life as some kind of "new" character that has been introduced to my life is simply amazing. gawd im such a hopless romantic. . . if they made a movie, i'd get the part as lead actress. *sigh* i can't wait to see if i will get that happy ending, but im really hoping my life would end with the guy that im crazy in love with right now, it could be possible. . . oh and my friends say we look great together. . . and it just makes me smile that they think that, i know anybody would do the same if they were told they look great together. i couldn't sleep well the other night, and i felt that something wasn't right, and when i woke up this morning to think about it. . . it hit me, and that i found myself lonely the other night, because every night he txts me, and we talk you know? and he is the only person that i talk like almost every night, and when he didn't, things changed, i just need one more day and everything will be back the way it is and i wouldn't be lonely in the night anymore. . . it felt weird that i slept early than late at night, because like we'd talk way past the time i should be in bed, but i bend the rules a bit because he's worth talking to and staying up late every night. . . but by tomorrow, hopefully, things will get back to normal. . . am i talking nonsense?