i am bloody pissed. why can't people just bloody mind their own business? because they can't! i am living proof that life can get even more suckier one moment, then when you think it's ok, boom! disaster strikes harder, and i'm tired of that. my friends don't bloody believe me, people that matter to me don't believe me. why? all because of a plan that didn't push through. first of all, my friends and i planned on playing this online game, dota, waay before jose asked me to play with him yesterday (saturday) and to make long story short, my so called friends didn't show up, and told me when i was already at the mall. if they were going to come along, i would have informed jose sooner, but since they didn't, why bother, right? and now. stephen and jose think i'm bloody lying! stephen started asking jose questions about yesterday when i already told him beforehand what would happen saturday. but things changed. that doesn't make me a liar! and now i am really mad at the both of them. since stephen asked jose some questions, jose started questioning me if my friends were really coming! do you know how painful that is? i kept saying that they told me they couldn't come, and jose says he senses i am lying! i'm really surprised, i didn't expect he'd be like this... i'm really disappointed... and stephen! he just had to ask jose when he could've asked me! and i already told him! some friends i've got... thanks to stephen, i think i lost a great, if not wonderful friendship with jose... i am both mad at them and refuse to speak to them. how can they do that? ganging on to me like that... you can be surprised what people, not to mention your friends, could do nowadays.

the problem is: there's just no trust anymore. if there's no trust, i am sorry, there isn't any "us" either. no wonder he broke up with me, not just cos we didn't have trust though. it finally hit me that maybe we're not meant to be. i guess that break up did more damage to me than i thought it would. maybe i'm wrong... i'm not sure... now i'm asking myself if i still want this...
i'm trailing off. anyway... i'm still pissed... disappointed. i turned off my phone, i don't wanna speak to the both of them right now... it's like they teamed up on me or something. everyone does that to me these days, and honestly, i'm growing really tired and my patience is wearing thin. i don't know what will happen tomorrow...

moving on... i miss kheem... it's been a really long time since i hung out with her, talked to her, laughed with her... none of that ever happens these days ever since she fell in love and got a boyfriend. but now, she hangs out with maria and still has time to be with anj... before when i was new to pcst, it would always be kheem and geri, people always saw us together, laughing together, etc. but now, you always see kheem and anj, and sometimes, kheem, anj, and maria, most times, kheem and maria, rarely... kheem and geri. before it was the four of us, kheem, maria, keren and me. we all got close this year thanks to the volleyball team we joined. but ever since keren stopped going to school, maria has been hanging out more with kheem more often than i do, i'm not jealous, i just miss her. miss her to the point that i dream about her. call me whatever, but it kills me inside when she calls maria to acompany her, it kills me when she wants her company more, it kills me that they're laughing and whispering together while i'm watching by the sidelines. what happened to geri? that used to be me she would always call. things change no matter how much we don't want it to change. i guess all i have to do is go along with it... but i wish i could tell her how much this is bothering me.. but i never could, and so, i let a moment pass me by. and so, i'm left all alone, just constantly missing her.