i have a very bad habbit now... wanna know what it is? i'll tell you. it's crying myself to sleep every night since last week. it's not because of him, well part of it is, but im not blaming him though. ever since we had serious fights, fights like those stupid, petty fights we had like when we were starting out, but the kind that can ruin your relationship, you get me? and the one's that leave you both not talking to each other til like the next day, or maybe til the day after that, and if it's really that bad, the next week, i've been crying my heart out every night. i cry for him, i cry for our problems, i just cry. cry for fear of losing someone like him, fear that things will end up badly and one of us would get hurt... etc. at least my tears are for someone very special, and not just over some guy who doesn't care enough to say goodbye to me the day he's leaving, neither tell you when he's gonna leave for spain. ok, now that's a different story. i heard somewhere, or i think someone told me this, or whichever, that you gotta look for the guy who makes every tear, every heartache, every pain you feel cos of that person, worthwhile, and i found him. i mean you don't HAVE to look, but whatever. and really, i did. no doubt about it. i know that it's really early to be saying that, but who the hell cares? it's me who feels that it is, not them. no one can say that im wrong, because how can i be wrong when i feel it? i've been feeling that feeling, although i can't say what it is, duh, because you just feel it, you just know. anyway, i've been feeling that feeling ever since i chose him. at first it was a bit fuzzy and unclear, but then when things came around, that's when things began to unfold for me, making things just a bit more clear for me to understand just what it is i see in him. and that's why almost all my tears are for him. i don't just cry cos he hurt me or the fact that were fighting, i cry because im happy with him, and i still am, i cry because i miss him, i cry because he chose me, not that he had much of a choice, but, yah. so crying for him can't be all about bad stuff you know. i cry at night cos that's when i remember everything. and i mean everything that's happened between us, since then and until now. it just comes to me, like i just can't control it. it's where i can let everything out, because i just lie there, on my side, on my bed, then suddenly, the next thing i know, im crying. the tears begin to roll down, and by the time i realize this, i try to stop it, try to be strong, but then it's too late, and once i let the first tear drop, it just keeps on coming. and then im aware that im crying. it's like they know if im going to think of a thought, then before i actually think of it, the tears are there first. the thinking comes afterward. weird, i know. well thats me for you. i know crying can be unhealthy, especially if it's every day, but come on, this is how people let everything out. although they don't admit that, they probably cry secretly... or maybe they don't have to cry to get things out, they could also write poems, blog, write on their journals/diary, listen to music... oh wait, that's what i do. oh well. but who knows? they might be doing the same thing. and i say, im not afraid to cry. im not afraid to let them know that i do. maybe crying isn't something to be proud of doing, because then you have the term, "cry baby", well, i guess that's another thing. this is different. i cry for problems... and etc. but still, crying is crying. oh well.