wow, i found an essay paper that i wrote for the school's newspaper in my old school haha here it is! ahem, don't laugh, i was oh so young when i wrote it! lol

"you're still my best friend!"

Why do i have to cry for something i know i can no longer hold on to? This is the question that boggles my mind. i always feel like crying whenever i get the chance to remember the moments my friend and i used to share. I know i should just accept the sad truth that things will never go back to normal between the two of us, but it hurts me! It's just so hard to let go of something that was such a big part of my life. People say i should simply value the time im spending apart from my friend so that i can discover myself again- but this is just too painful for me to do. Now, i ask myself, "what went wrong between the two of us?" it happened just about this week. We then grew to be very good friends, but eventually we got into a misunderstanding. I've started to feel empty since then. I've accepted my mistakes and have tried to apologize every chance i got, but it's just too tough to win back his friendship. Though he's no longer interested to be my friend, i still want to fix our situation. i know i must start to say "goodbye", but it will cost me countless tears before i recover. I'm being silly, and that i probably don't deserve to have a good friend like him, but it's difficult to pretend that im not affected, which indeed i am. They say if you truly treasure someone as a friend, it doesn't matter how much he or she has failed you. The important thing is that you still trust and accept that someone as a friend, no matter what! The trust and acceptance he had for me is no longer there and i really can't blame him if that is the way he wants it to be. But our memories that we onced share will remain alive in me and i will treasure them forever. Eventually, i know that when we leave behind the conflict, we'll both be all right in the end. After all, each of us have our own lives to lead. And after thousand failed attempts to become his friend again, i realize that it's good for him to live his life and welcome more aquaintances. It's painful for me to bear this, but i have to respect this decision and let him be free! I know our friendship didn't last or work the way i wanted it to be, but im glad our paths once crossed each other. Because without the hurt that he has given me, i may not have this deep sense of having learned something from him. I know i can no longer look for another person exactly like him, and also, i know that it is unlikely for him to return to me. But im still hoping, even if it takes forever.


please do not laugh! it looks... "blech" haha when i think about it now, this essay seems so imature, haha... and i forgot about my guy friend... it's certainly been awhile since i last heard from him... which was... hmmm... if im not mistaken, 4 years. tsk tsk.. you know, i forgot why we fought come to think about it haha. oh well. hope you enjoyed reading this!