it's been forever since i last posted. . . to the people who always comment: im so sorry!! a LOT has been happening and i guess i forgot to put them here. . . well to start off. . . im still mad at my guy friend for some reason i don't wanna share. . . and. . . dammit i forgot. . . anyways, it's been 2-3 months now, and still the guy that i love so much hasn't asked me to be his gf yet:'( wouldn't you think that if he did ask me to be his gf before, wouldn't we have lasted until now? like i said, it's been 2-3 months, even more if i remember correctly, i think we could've lasted, you know? but here i am waiting patiently for the guy i love. . . i've had my experience of waiting for those i love, so this is not the first time i've done it, believe me when i say that i've waited 5 years for the guy that i loved before, i ddin't act like waiting for him then wasn't hurting me, it was to be honest, but i guess it was worth it. . . so when the time came when he found out he did have feelings for me, and asked me to be his gf, i said that he was just 5 years too late, of course i was happy, and i wanted to answer him more than you could imagine, and i woulda, if it wasn't for the fact that i no longer felf anything for him, anymore, i just don't want to end up like that again, but i guess we'll wait and see. i mean think about it, i know i have, a girl waiting for a guy?? shouldn't it be the other way around?? well, dear readers, so to say, yes it may be a bit awkward, maybe even wrong, for a girl to wait for a guy, you see, it doesn't really matter if you're a guy waiting for a girl, or vice versa, but really, the fact that you love him/her enough to even wait! and that's what i'm doing, even it takes a long time, but i swear, right here and now, that no matter how long i shall wait, time could never ever take away the love that i have for him, yes, you guys are my witnesses to what i just said. . . anyways, i'm quite not sure why he doesn't want a relationship yet. . . maybe it's me? i hate to think so, but it could be possible, but i'll log that thought away, you know? he said one time to me that if we get into a relationship, we would have to break up and stuff, but if we weren't, but you know, we still loved each other, we wouldn't have to break up, he does have a point, but you know? i can't tell my friends that he is mine, well technically he is, but not yet permanent, you get me? i want him to call him mine so badly, i can tell other girls to back off cos he's MY man, but i can't, and do you know how sweet it is for me when he talks to me about his friends, and like whenever i see him with his friends, he would turn around to his friends, point and would say, "she's my girl. . ." stuff like that. . . but no. i don't know exactly what status we are in, were not "in a relationship" were not "married" but what are we then? are we lovers? are we dating?? although we have been going out a few times. . . i just don't know. . . but i now am aware of this: i guess love doesn't always mean having a boyfriend. . . but knowing that the one you love is always there for you, even though you're not together. that makes sense a lot. . . and knowing that he's not yet "ready" for a relationship, i know he's always there for me, and i know what i have to do, i have to respect his feelings and decisions and put his feelings before my own, and care and treat his feelings like i do my own. . .


. . . i wonder how long i'll have to wait. . .